Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Oh no not My Nigel, not my Dear Nigel

Oh no not my Nigel, how many times have I heard that cry from feminists who seem to believe the moment her partner started going out with her he lost all urges other than to support feminism and that having heard her opinion on Porn, Lad Mags and SEVs automatically despises said things. This was going to be another piece on Objectification but at the end of this I will link to a fabulous piece so instead I want all the Nigels out there to start thinking.

Now I have issue with this belief and I am sure that many of the guys/dancers will recognise the Not my Nigel in the audience at SEVs. They are usually the ones sitting at the front who when a performance is on stage cannot move his eyes and even walks backwards into the toilets to see as much as he can while he is there.

I had a colleague years ago who always had FHM or Loaded in his desk that he would read at lunch. He would never take the thing home as his wife would "kill him" for looking at other women. So "Nigel" keeps his interests away from home and was always handy to know who had the latest copy of  the mags.

There was a group of guys who came into London every year for a work conference that was for 3 days and their ritual was to always go out on the first night to a certain SEV. There was a core of 3 guys but they would sometimes bring others. The story was pretty much the same that they enjoyed the SEVs but their partners would never stand for it for the standard reasons feminist trot out. But yeah another case of not my nigels. And so it goes on, the guys from Custom and excise that had a regular night out. Those guys in Local Government that need to escape the confines of political power plays. Nigels will go out to play and just not bother to tell their partner because of the expected response

If you don't know SEVs you will never understand the variety of people that go from foreign diplomats to judges, from photographers to chauffeurs the variety is incredible and yet most will never admit that they enjoy a night out at a SEV. I remember when telling my parents, no issue from my Dad and my Mum took her time but accepted it. My girlfriend has no issue with it and I wont hide the fact the way I use to I was a Not my Nigel at the outset before I realised that I don't fear the facts and people take me as I am with all my interests.

Still though you see women claim not their partner based on an assumption and one that is based on belief. One rather interesting foreign gentleman admitted that at University he was "a feminist" simply because he was then in a group that was almost exclusively women so he was never without a date. And yes I met him while he was out on a shoreditch shuffle a few years back.

So to all those Not My Nigels out there, are you truly ashamed of the fact you love to see positive, sassy, intelligent women? Or will the divorce be too expensive?

To all the women who bleat Not My Nigel just remember Nigel is human and has desires and those can't just be turned off because of a theory that Nigel doesn't really believe in but nods his head to avoid arguments. And Nigels at some point even if you don't admit your likes it will not hurt to question some of the stranger theories that are thrown out there.

If you want a good piece on Objectification then here  by @Maggie_McNeill is well worth a read.


  1. For the record, I've been open and honest with partners about my 'hobby' and have even brought a couple of them along with me, at their instigation. I wish more men would follow suit.

    1. I would love to see more people like yourself, the whole issue of people feeling that they can't admit the fact they go to the pubs and clubs is just a shame. When you think about the number of clubs that exist and the number of dancers there needs to be between at least 500k of customers as a bare minimum. I would personally estimate there are probably almost 1m Nigels out there.


    2. One can't help wondering why the men in question marry or shack up with women who have such attitudes in the first place...