Sunday, October 19, 2014

More Random Thoughts of an Obvious Madman

So I have google alerts for all sorts of terms dealing with SEVs around the UK  and striptease/lap-dancing from around the world. I have seen the comments fields become battlegrounds and the use of language on both sides we should do better than. The arguments though have become tired mantras from those who operate on a belief system rather than working from empirical data.

After the fall of Lilith you would think people would refrain from the clubs cause rape and sexual crimes claims but in a discussion about Fantasy in Cheltenham with a handful of debaters there was the claim of rape from some who also claimed they had the info from the database. When I asked for the parameters of their research and what distance around the club they were seeing as an area of affect they suddenly went quiet and disappear while a new name joined in.

Personal insults please me such as when I can only type with one hand, sad, lonely, embittered, unloved, rape apologist, smelly, desperate and the list runs on but I often see these things thrown out me. Which is good because when you attempt to insult you become no better than a troll and bully or would if it had any affect on me. I was bullied as a kid so this is nothing in fact I wear it as a badge of honour that the arguments have gone so personal attacks are the next best thing. It is a win in my book.

Apparently according to some dancers are the opposition to feminism and are uneducated, poor, desperate for money, owned by the patriarchy and suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Those are the standards that are always rolled out along with the dancers hate their job, they are trafficked and they are being bought by men. Last one first with we are paying for a performance but the arguments get more ridiculous the longer you engage and respond until it becomes a moral argument based on their belief system that hs no right too influence people who do not follow that belief system.

Bottom line the research by Leeds University and Kent/Loughborough Universities shows a lot of the stock arguments are just pointless. But with a belief system people can ignore the truth if it does not match what they want to believe. Often I have found myself with all the valid arguments on my side and that is when the personal attacks begin. At that point it becomes obvious that people who want to close clubs down have no data which could justify it so need to make out that I am such a horrible person and because of that clubs must be in the wrong. Thank you for that I will take it as a win!

TonyN (

Thursday, October 2, 2014

As Springsteen Said

It's TonyN here and have to say first a big thank you to Adam at the Horns yesterday who made my visit that much easier. Great to have a place with a disabled toilet and even if I have to get the wheelchair in via the side entrance it was a nice feeling getting out. Was also good to remind myself of why I still write this blog even if it is not as often as I would like but more often than I would hope. Whilst meeting with friends a discussion arose and hence you are going to get my understanding of why strip clubs are beneficial to women! I can hear a rad fem or two choking on their skinny latte over that.

The benefits are two fold and I want to first visit something that is uniquely British so to speak because of the no contact rules in the pubs and clubs. In the immortal words of Bruce Springsteen "You can look but you better not touch". So how does this help women in general? Fairly obvious really is the need for self control, the hands down by the side or behind the chair or under the backside the fact is there is no physical contact allowed. I know when I first started to go to the strip pubs my hands were a lot less self controlled but with current regulation guys are learning greater self control. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone and I am sure that it takes a little time for the lesson to sink in. Imagine a kid in a sweet shop (candy store for american readers) being told he can look at all the wonders but he is not allowed to touch any of them. The level of self control that guys are now under in clubs is probably benefiting in other aspects of life just that no one has ever tried to quantify it. I know that some people will not want to believe that guys are capable of learning to control their desires and urges but if you think of the reduction in rape in Newquay and Camden it does ask questions that scientists are better qualified to answer than this blogger.

Secondly guys who go to strip clubs are less likely to objectify women. And I can hear the cat calls about this one but with over 20 years experience in clubs I can promise you that this is a truth that no one has spoken of. Sure when you first meet a dancer there is a level of objectification but seriously how long can you deny the dancer's humanity? They live, breathe, work and do the same things as so many others and apart from a stigmatised job they are no different to any other person you would meet. So from initial objectification there is a shift into the recognition of humanity and the treatment of the dancer as a person. When the lesson learnt about this in the clubs is applied to the outside world you find guys who are much better at relating to women and accepting them. If you think that I can move from objectification to acceptance in a minute or two even the woman I am talking to is in lingerie then you realise that guys who go to clubs are much more likely to accept women as equals. The power dynamic within pubs and clubs is swings and roundabouts but there is always the level of being unobtainable that the dancer always has because there is never any contact.

I guess the key factor is the interaction between dancer and customer, the initial attraction is not a sustainable commodity and some of the best dancers I have ever met relied much more on their personality and humanity than on looks. The ability to accept men in all shapes and sizes is a wonderful thing and dancers never see my wheelchair first, in a lot of ways it only registers when I can't get into the private dance area. I can't speak for every customer but I will say that objectification of a human being fails the moment you start talking to them and accepting them as a human being.

So clubs teach us control and to bypass objectification which is surely amongst the goals of the feminists? Perhaps if they champion the clubs we would see more benefits rather than the bitter disagreements we have now.

TonyN (